Saturday, August 13, 2011

Who am I?

Take a good look at that little curly brown headed muffin.  That smile, those eyes twinkling, feet dancing, totally free & so happy to be with dancing with her cousin.

Where did that girl go?

When is the last time I was truly free & happy?  Was it before I stopped liking the way I look in pictures, or when I stopped talking in class because I felt like the boys were smarter?  Was it when I felt ashamed of my body?  Was it when I started stifling what I wanted because I wasn't sure how other people would feel about it?

I think maybe I was 9.  When I was 6, 7, 8, 9, I was so happy.  I was smart, loved school, thought I was pretty, thought I could do anything, wanted to do my best, felt confident that I could do a great job, felt confident that I mattered. 

And now?  Where along the way do we get ideas that maybe we aren't pretty enough, definitely not thin enough, that thing I said in class was really lame, & why do I think I matter???  High school?  Maybe.

Wwhat if I said to myself, just take one step.  Let's read a book.  Let's pray to become stronger.  Let's make the choice & decide that I do matter.  In doing so, let's realize that I am the only one who can decide for myself that I do matter. 

If I can do that, what else can I do?

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