My heart is breaking today, just a little

My heart is breaking today because a dear friend is gravely ill and having critical and risky surgery tomorrow. My heart is breaking because I don't live there anymore and can't do more to help. My heart is breaking because it is still so hard for me to understand how I got from there to here. My heart is breaking because I wish so much it had been different. And, in moments when I want to be really honest, my heart is breaking because when I hear his voice (no matter that it's a voicemail regarding the lease break for our apartment where we broke up) I cry. Because I miss him. Because I loved him so much. Because I regret with all my heart what happened. And there is nothing that can be done about it.